matteiathena:

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Those things do not make you a pawn, my friend. All they do is make you stronger. Do not let anyone make you think like that. You never have to be happy for the sake of others. Tell them when you are angry or upset. Fight for yourself. Figure out who you are and what will make you happy and do not let anyone make you feel bad for it. Figure out the truths you want to have in your life and do not let anything stand between those truths.

Well I tried that.  It backfired.  

I feel like, I’m just meant to just accept my life as a pawn or risk hurting myself and others.

matteiathena:

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[Her pencil stops.] Honestly? If I could go back and stop what I did, I would not even hesitate. I do not think there is a being on earth who has not made a mistake. It does not mean we cannot hope to make less of them in the future. Fate only has so much assigned to it. If we put everything to fate than we are no better than pawns.

That’s precisely what I feel like…. a pawn.  The seasons come and go with my travels, my marriage is the result of lies.  My days as spend keeping the people I accompany happy.  None of it is me, it’s all just bits of everyone else’s grand scheme.

matteiathena:

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[She sits near her and pulls out two notebooks and two pencils. She keeps one set and gives the puts the other one next to her.] I find lists help. I also have some free time in case you would like to talk. [ She starts finishing things in her notebook. ]

I don’t think a list would help with this.  It’s not an external problem.   Do you……. do you ever feel like your entire life you’ve made mistakes and it’s a like it’s your chosen fate to continue to do so?

matteiathena:

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Maybe you should raise your expectations because you look a bit sad. Come. Father showed me this place that serves what is called ice cream. I am sure you will like it, and maybe it will raise expectations.

Maybe later.  I’m sorting my thoughts.

matteiathena:

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Are you alright?

About as good as can be expected.

erebusofshadows:

Well, isn’t all this… lovely.

That’s one way to put, I suppose.

What Goes Around || Hermes & Persephone

therovingkind:

Hermes didn’t try to get her to speak. Persephone would talk in her own time, after all, her marriage was a difficult subject. He furrowed his brow a little as she spoke, his eyes narrowing a bit when she said he grew angry with her. “You have every right to be upset about what happened. I don’t know that you’ve ever truly addressed it. And I feel I may be to blame in there somewhere. I should have encouraged you, as a friend, to hash things out with him ages ago. Living partially in resentment and then periods of simply electing not to talk about it isn’t a good way to handle your relationship.” He replied, pulling out his tea bag and pouring some honey into his tea, stirring it slowly while he spoke.

"I don’t know," she said, her voice giving away just how depressed she felt of the whole situation," I feel like… this is something I should have just let go decades ago.  There are moments it’s obvious he cares but I just don’t know why.  Our entire relationship started on lies, and I just can’t get past it. "

Keeping her eyes on her hands, again her husband’s voice came to mind,” Such fools we are.”

She repeated the words under breathe, she could barely hear herself saying them so it was unlikely that Hermes heard her.  She spoke her mind instead.

"He said he was giving me the freedom I wanted, but the freedom I want is of choice, and he can’t give me that.  The others are quick to remind me of the vow we have together, and that no matter what my own thoughts or feelings, there is no changing that.   It felt like he was toying with me, another trick.  Freedom without actual freedom….."

What Goes Around || Hermes & Persephone

therovingkind:

Persephone spoke without looking at him, which made sense, considering the subject matter. “Well, I’m assuming by your distress it escalated then?” he prompted her, hearing the kettle whistling and getting up, and grabbing mugs and some tea satchets.

She waited for him to return, gratefully taking the offered tea with a nod of thanks.  She waited, reliving the next moment to attempt to make sense of her own actions.  

She shook her head and continued,” He made a comment about how I’ve always wanted my freedom and to just take it and enjoy it.”   She paused again, feeling embarrassed that she hadn’t just left it at that.

She set the mug down on the table, looking over at Hermes.  It was like a ritual with them, she would account the things that had happened, how she felt about them, and he would be supportive and try to calm her.   It was exhausting just to think of how many times they had done this.  Why had they done this so many times?  Was she really such a slow learner?

"I snapped," she said finally," Just… not in my head this time… to him.  I don’t know why I did it.  It’s like I wanted to fight it… to tell him how much I hated his games.  I couldn’t tell if his statement was genuine or teasing, and I just couldn’t accept it and walk away."

She let out a groan and looked back down at her tea, not wanting to see if her friend’s face showed he felt she was wrong.  She felt like she was wrong, but if he agreed with her then it was all the more real.

"He was angry…. of course he was angry.  Now, he’s all but made it clear that… " she let out a grunt of frustration and slammed her fist on the table," I’m such an idiot.  I couldn’t just let it be."

apolloswreckage:

If that’s what works for you, by all means. (he pauses, furrowing his eyebrows.) I just… really want to go to an aquarium, 

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That sounds…. pretty amazing actually.